Finding Happiness as a Writer: CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN

New to the series? Check it out from the beginning. You’ll have to start at the bottom and scroll upward if you want to read the posts in order.

Okay so last week I told you (or reinforced) all the terrible truths of publishing and I know you might hate me a little. This week I’ll try to win you back with actual strategies to combat those issues. It’s all about seizing control (or perceived control) where you can. If control is not your thing because you’re totally comfortable with the plan God has for you, or you trust the universe implicitly, or you’re fine if you never sell another book, etc. you might want to skip this post. [And since this is the interwebz where things get misinterpreted, let me clarify: I mean that previous sentence completely seriously. I’m not snarking on anyone’s religion, faith in destiny, or writing goals.]

Low control authors should probably just keep on keeping on—living life, writing more books. Man, I wish I were low control because that sounds pretty awesome ;-) But if that’s not you, let me take you back through last week’s points with strategies on how to make them hurt less.

If only it were that easy, Janet.

Writing isn’t fair.

The first way to deal with this is just to figure out if you can accept it. Are you okay with the idea that you might never achieve your personal definition of success? Are you okay with the idea that you might spend your whole life trying to be traditionally published and never even get a book deal at all? You're either someone who will think "Hey, at least I never quit fighting for my dream" or someone who will think "I wish I hadn't wasted so much time." It's best to figure that out sooner rather than later.

The second way is to realize that money and marketing don’t guarantee anything. Plenty of shiny debuts with six-figure marketing budgets and all the publisher bling you could dream of never become bestsellers. And then other books break out against the odds. ANNA AND THE FRENCH KISS, CODE NAME VERITY, and ELEANOR & PARK, to name a few, all achieved huge success despite not selling in massive deals. Barry Lyga and Rachel Harris both put out several books before becoming bestsellers. Someone told me Charlaine Harris sold the first Sookie Stackhouse book for a few thousand dollars. I'm sure at that time no one imagined it would become an international sensation and the TV series True Blood. And just last week I read a post where Victoria Scott mentioned how she started with a small publisher and her first royalty check was for $21. Now, four books later, she's with a major publisher and her latest royalty check just bought her husband a fancy new car. Great things can happen when you don't give up.

The third way to deal with this is to work your ass off. If you’re not getting print advertising or a national book tour or a commercial to run before the last Hunger Games movie (and 95% of books don’t get these things), make sure everything you do get is as good as it can be. Thing #1: YOUR BOOK. Don’t run out of gas during copy-edits and say “Yeah, okay, whatever.” Make sure the story is the best it can be. You’ll thank yourself later. Work with your editor to hone your flap copy to perfection. Make sure your Amazon and B&N pages are typo-free and display your positive trade reviews. Set-up online promotional opps like contests or blog tours and try to come up with something fun or different to promote your book. There is a lot you can do for free or on the cheap. Does it help sales? I don’t know, but it feels like it might, and sometimes that's comforting.


Publishing is a business.

Again, first, recognize. If you just want to write without doing any of the other work, um…marry rich? ;) Seriously though, there are ways to make this more palatable. Budget your time. I try to spend one day a week on administrative and promo things, five days a week writing, and one day a week off. You can do that same schedule even if you work full-time, you’ll just be spending fewer hours each day. Use technology to your advantage. I am all about Google forms and spreadsheets to stay organized. Limit the amount of time you spend on social media. Choose your promotional opportunities wisely. I love bloggers but before I commit to guest posts, I drop by websites to see if they look professional. And by that I don’t mean the wording of the reviews, but just is the page readable? Does it appear well-maintained, etc. If you take the time to write a guest post or set-up a giveaway, be sure to promote it. You can use tweetdeck to schedule tweets that promote your posts.



Some people will hate your work.

Dealing with book-loathing is tough. I remember seeing all the anger over the end of the DIVERGENT trilogy and thinking: Why are we so mad about a book when there are egregious human rights violations being committed all over the place? Where’s the outrage for that? Thing is, people have a right to get mad about whatever they want. People have a right to hate what you’ve written or misinterpret your words—purposely or intentionally—and then write scathing reviews. The alternative, a world with only positive reviews, would be like having no reviews at all, since no one would believe them. And no reviews at all would be bad for books.

Recognize that since you like some books and dislike other books, it’s kind of arrogant to think everyone will like your books. Go to your favorite books and read some of their scathing one-star reviews. Re-read the reviews of the people who love your books and remind yourself that their opinions are just as valid as those of your detractors. Realize that people bring their own histories, prejudices and feelings to each book they read and just because your book triggered a negative response in them doesn’t mean it’s bad. “Good” and “bad” are meaningless terms for the most part when it comes to fiction—as far as I know, no one is the high priest or priestess of book judgment. Bad reviews are something that will always kind of sting, but they do get easier with time. And you can always opt to seize the ultimate control over them by not to reading them.


You are not the boss of your book.

You, your agent, your editor, and your publisher all have the same end goal: for your book to be the best it can. Before you sign a contract, make sure you’re open to other people pushing you to improve upon your work. If you disagree with an edit suggestion your editor has pitched, that’s fine. When an editor pitches a revision idea, it’s because he/she thinks something in the story didn’t work as well as it could have. You can fix the area with your own solution if you want. Your editor just wants you to either address the problem or justify why it’s not a problem. Don’t be afraid to communicate. Remember, you’re all on the same team.

Can I play too?

Also, make sure your editor is aware upfront that you’d like to be consulted in matters like cover design. Don’t assume she knows this. If you have specific ideas, you can definitely feel free to send them along to her. If there’s anything you really don’t want, it’s okay to mention this too. Just realize that the design team might come up with something completely different from what you've envisioned.

When you are emailed a cover, try not to look at it like “That’s not what I wanted.” Look at it like: “Is it appealing in a way that will stand out on shelves and webpages? Does it accurately convey the story I wrote?” If you have legit concerns about either of these points, talk it over with your agent. If you don’t have an agent you can politely mention these concerns to your editor to see what she thinks. It’s also totally fine to ask for tweaks like changing someone’s shirt color or eye color to match the book, so don't be shy.


Success is somewhat out of your control.

I could write thousands of words about things that might help you hang onto partial control of your writing success, but I’ll try to keep this brief and give you a few overarching ideas. They’re all “best guess,” because like I said in the first post, it’s all about the perception of control—none of us really knows for sure what works. I just know I feel better when I’m working toward a goal, not just sitting back and hoping for the best.

Promote like a boss, like your new book is the best book ever. This is adapted from a tip from Sara Raasch, the kind of thing we all should know but might need reminding. You have to have faith in your work. Even if you have doubts, you can’t sit around biting your nails and thinking your book isn’t good enough because readers pick up on that sort of thing. Also, theme your contests and posts to match your books whenever possible. I have a #MysteryTwitterTheater event happening in March that should be super-fun for everyone involved and will hopefully reach mystery lovers across Twitter that might not have heard of LIARS, INC. Promote on and offline. I sent out postcards promoting LIARS to 100 indie bookstore buyers and a few found me online to tell me they were ordering the book. At least one read it and wrote a review for IndieNext. Sure, they might have ordered it anyway, but like one buyer told me: "You're smart to remind us because we see hundreds of new books every month." And if more of them read it then maybe more of them will recommend it to readers.

Diversify your writing portfolio. Loyalty is awesome. Loyalty to a publisher or editor is a beautiful thing. But your editor is not your spouse. If he or she gets a better job offer, they’re probably going to leave you. And that’s okay, because we all have to look out for ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with trying a new genre or going for a second publisher (as long as your contract allows—talk to your agent if uncertain.) There’s nothing wrong with branching out from YA to MG or NA or adult. There’s nothing wrong with doing a work-for-hire novel, a collaborative book with a friend, or self-pubbing. Maybe none of these alternate paths lead where you want to go, but you’re still allowed to explore them, and doing so—or at least embracing the possibilities—is another thing that might make you feel a little bit more in control.

Keep writing forward. Maybe you think it was total crap for me to talk about how some authors struggle to sell a second book when I sold four books last year. What you might not know is I sold them all before THE ART OF LAINEY came out. LAINEY’s sales are okay, but she’s definitely one of those “middle of the pack” horses. If had waited until LAINEY released to shop more books/proposals, there’s no guarantee I’d be in the same place I am now. If you want to do this long-term, you should always try to write forward. And writing forward has the added benefit of taking the pressure off your debut or most recent novel. Once you see the possibilities in a new story, you’ll realize that even if things don’t work out with one book, that doesn’t mean they won’t with your next.

There’s one more major thing we moderate to high control people should strive for in our writing pursuits, and that is to control OURSELVES—our anxiety, our negative thoughts, our self-destructive impulses. And that’s next week’s topic. In the meantime, have a happy week :-)

Finding Happiness as a Writer: ACCEPT THE UNACCEPTABLE TRUTHS

If you’re new to the series, check out the beginning. You'll have to scroll down and read the posts from the bottom if you want to go in order because I'm too lazy to link to them individually ;) #SorryNotSorry

Okay remember how I told you that the info you wrote down about yourself last week would come in handy later? Later is now. 

This week is going to deal primarily with people who have a high need for information. If you read the last post and decided you are someone who does better without all the info, then you might want to opt out of the bulk of this post. If you are someone who thinks that writing is this romantic endeavor where you sit by the fireplace at your secluded lake cabin and idly pen a few sentences each day while sipping wine bought with your huge advance, and you prefer to cling to that illusion, consider yourself low information. I don’t want to kill Santa Claus for anyone.

[Just imagine there's a GIF of Stewie Griffin 

saying: "I'm going to KILL SANTA!" here.]

People with a low need for info might also want to consider:

• Not reading all their tweets. I have periods where I only read my @ feed and even that can get taxing when I get tagged in a long conversation.
• Telling their agent to withhold rejection information and their editor to withhold bad reviews/bad news. (This is totally acceptable and in most cases they will do that for you.)
• Not reading every message posted to their debut group/FB group/author newsboard. There are a ton of groups like this now for authors at all stages of publication, and although they can be supportive, they can also be overwhelming. It’s okay to opt-out, temporarily or permanently. You have to take care of yourself.
• Not sharing rejections or sales numbers with other writers.
• Staying up on the publishing industry by reading a minimal number of blogs. I recommend YA Highway’s Field Trip Friday. I can go AWOL from the interwebz for a whole week and if I catch the posting of FTF I feel like I haven’t missed a thing.

"With the lights out, it's less dangerous."
(Bonus points if you can name the song.)

People with a moderate need for info:

• Hey, look at you. You sound very healthy and well-balanced. Will you be my friend? ;-) As far as the post goes, I’d look over all of it and decide what works for you. 
• P.S. Tell us your secrets in the comments area.

And now for the rest of us...

Before I went to nursing school, I asked some medical professionals their opinions on nursing. Almost all of them told me not to become a nurse--even the ones who had been nurses for twenty years. They told me it was hard, thankless work. Long hours, physically demanding, everyone from patients to doctors yelling at you, lots of bodily fluids and possible TB exposure. [This was before Ebola. I can only imagine what they'd say now.]

But I went to nursing school anyway, because I listened to what they said, accepted the information as likely to be true, and decided I was okay with it. Don't get me wrong, I've never been all like "Yay, feces!" or anything, but being warned about the potential grossness of nursing made it easier to deal with the occasional Code Brown. [Yeah, that's what we call, well, you know.]

And yeah, people with books out already will probably just nod their heads sadly to most of this info, but this is all the stuff I didn’t know going in that I wish I had. [Warning: some of it might hurt.]

Writing isn’t fair.

Not in an equity or an equality kind of way. Let’s say you get hired to make $30/hour as a nurse. You’re thinking that’s pretty decent money until you find out your friend, who has the same years of experience, is making three thousand dollars an hour. That’s a ludicrous scenario, right? Not when it comes to publishing. Some debut novels sell for $3000. Some sell for $300,000.

I am not going to pour Haterade all over this post and say that anyone who sells in a major deal “got lucky.” I believe everyone who achieves traditional publication has worked hard and produced a book that industry professionals think will find a readership. Plus, some of my best friends sold in ginormous deals :) [Full disclosure: VENOM sold in a three-book major deal, but as the work-for-hire writer I made a small percentage of the money from the sale.]

But I am going to say that sometimes you can set a "major deal" and a "nice deal" manuscript side-by-side and not necessarily tell a difference. You might prefer the cheaper book. Critics might prefer the cheaper book. [So far, most critics prefer my cheaper books.] Sometimes the cheaper book even outsells the expensive book. No traditionally published book is a hundred [or a thousand!] times “better” than another published book, so I do believe there is an element of luck in writing the right book and getting it to the right agent who gets it to the right editors at the right time to have publishing economics work to your best advantage.

I know if you don’t have an agent or a book deal, part of you is screaming “I don’t care about money!” but you probably do care about your future as an author, and disparity isn’t just about cash. Disparity also exists in cover creation, marketing support, promotional efforts, etc. and these things can impact your sales numbers. This is also why you can’t compare yourself to other authors. A book with a gorgeous foil cover that gets a US tour and a TV commercial should sell more copies than a book that gets none of that. And maybe you're still screaming that you don't care, but it can be tough to see giant tables full of some other writer's debut book at B&N when your book isn't being stocked in a single store, and yeah that happens. If you like information, it’s better to know going in that the treatment your book gets and the treatment the book next to it gets might be completely different.


Writing is a business.

Businesses often come with long waits, seemingly inefficient processes, colleagues you will like to varying degrees, and a lot of administrative work that has to be done by somebody. Regardless of whether you pub indie or traditional, your workday might consist partially of sending emails, packing up prize books, mailing things, balancing accounts, understanding tax laws, doing design work, doing market research, promoting your product, maintaining a website, etc. The time I spend doing the not-writing work of writing is often more than the time I spend writing. Before I got published, I naively thought I could just hire someone to deal with all of this—an accountant for my receipts, a publicist for my social media, a web-designer, etc. Yeah, no. If I hired someone to do all the stuff I don’t want to do, my writing income would be negative.


Some people will hate your work.

I don’t know what it is, but each time ARCs go out for a book and I start to get early reviews on Goodreads (I always read the very early reviews because sometimes reviewers bring up legit problems that slipped past everyone else), some arrogant, delusional part of me thinks “Maybe this’ll be the book no one hates.” I’ve gotten over the idea I can write a book everyone will love, but a book that no one despises enough to write a huge scathing diatribe about—I mean that’s possible, right?

Probably not. There are a ton of factors that go into why people love or hate a book, some of which have more to do with the people than the book. Either way, just as all of us probably have extremely negative feelings about a small number of books, expect that a small number of people will have extremely negative feelings about yours. Those people might write reviews that make your face burn when you read them--they might even make you cry. [Truth time: my Kirkus review for VENOM made me cry.] Be prepared, but if it happens try to let it roll off you, because more people will like your book than hate it, and those are the people who might have some say in impacting your future career.


You are not the boss of your book.

If you want to be the boss of your book [*gestures at high-control people*], you need to self-publish. When you sell your book to a publisher for an advance or for the promise of royalties [not all books get advances], you relinquish a lot of control. You can suggest a title, but if the publisher wants to replace it with a different one, they can. Sometimes your publisher will take your ideas for a cover into consideration, but other times you are not even consulted until the cover is basically done. Your publisher can also switch your cover and/or title when going from hardcover to paperback. They can redo your cover mid-series, even if you don't want them to. [They're usually doing it in an attempt to reach more readers, so you should probably just be glad they're spending additional time and money on your book.]

During edits, your editor might want you to change something that you don't want to change. Generally author and editor can find a compromise, but you should know that you being paid depends on delivering a "satisfactory manuscript" and it's within your publisher's power to refuse to publish your book if you and your editor can't agree. It's also generally within your power to walk away, but that means giving back the money you've been paid and probably burning a bridge with that publisher.


Success is somewhat out of your control.

OMG guys, this is the HARDEST thing for me and the thing no one tells you. You work your ass off for years trying to get an agent and a deal and then when you do you think “Yay, I’m an author now. The hard work is over.” Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the hard work is just starting. Unless your first book rockets onto the NYT bestseller list or outsells publisher projections, selling your next book will be just as hard—or harder!—than selling your debut novel. A debut author is like a thoroughbred racehorse running its first race—so exciting, so many possibilities. After that horse runs for a year and consistently finishes in the middle of the pack, people are less willing to bet on it.

Essentially, writing comes with all of the risks and responsibilities of being a small business owner. You can create a quality product, market that product effectively, provide good customer service, and still “go out of business” because for whatever reason enough people don’t buy your book. There’s no job security until your books have theme parks. I don’t tell you this to depress you. I tell you this so you won’t get punched in the face by any of it later. Also, you can make responsible choices about your finances, your day job, the time you invest in your writing, etc. If you read all this and you're like I was with nursing: "Bring it on. I'm informed and I'm still all-in," that should give you power and confidence as you progress through your publishing journey

But if you are depressed, never fear. Next week we’re going to talk about how you can take back some of that control, how you can compensate for some of that disparity, what you can do to maximize your chances for success. 

In the meantime, people with a high need for info might want to:

• Ask yourself if there’s anything you can do with the data you want. I am hugely high-info it it’s data I feel like I can do something about, but not so much when it comes to stuff I can’t control.
• Sign up for an Amazon author account to access Bookscan data
• Share sales data with trusted author friends
• Become a GR author so you can edit your GR page and use GR (responsibly) for market research and promotion
• Become active in author online communities

And then finally, my last tip and the place where I admit embarrassing things about myself:

• Go ahead and email your agent/editor with that nagging question. Don't ask your debut-group pal who doesn't know. Don't ask twitter. Ask the person who probably has an answer. Better to ask than to let your brain spin worst-case-scenarios to the point where you can’t function. Awkward revelation: Doing this is hard for me. I still sometimes cower when I email my agent questions that I’m not sure I should be asking, like: “OMG, she’s so busy, I shouldn’t bother her. OMG, she emailed back. What if it’s a lecture about being too needy or neurotic??? I think I need an internet break! *hides under bed*” This has everything to do with me being a ninny and nothing to do with my agent, who is the most awesome agent ever and has never yelled at me, not even once or twice when she probably should have. If you need to know, just ask. Even if the answer is "I don't know" or “there is no real answer to that question,” you’ll feel better after putting it out there.

Happy rest of the week! See you next time :-)

Finding happiness as a writer: KNOW YOURSELF

I'm doing an ongoing weekly series about staying happy as a writer. Check out the introduction to the series here.

So there’s this part in The Art of Lainey [Shameless plug: it's worth reading just for Micah :D] where she’s reading a passage in The Art of War about how if you know yourself and you know your enemy you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. And Lainey, being kind of clueless, scoffs a little because she thinks that of course she knows herself and her ex-boyfriend. But then later:

If you asked me whether I was the type of person who liked trying new things or preferred sticking with what was familiar, I would have told you I’m the second girl. The if –it-aint-broke-don’t-fix-it girl. I also would have told you plays were lame. It suddenly occurs to me that I don’t seem to know very much about…me. It’s a weird feeling, like maybe a stranger is inhabiting my body. Or maybe a stranger was, and I kicked her out. --The Art of Lainey

Today’s tip is about figuring out YOU. Maybe you’ve got yourself all figured out, or maybe you only think you do. From what I’ve seen, writers come in all different flavors. Some are introverted while others are gregarious. Some are hot-tempered at quick to argue while others are conflict avoidant. Some are obsessive and neurotic while others are flexible and laid back. The kind of person you are matters, because you can use that knowledge to make decisions about the writerly behaviors that will maximize your happiness. It's also important to recognize that your friends might have completely different writer-personalities and coping mechanisms, so it's okay if something that doesn't bother them bothers you. It doesn't make you weak or inferior.

This post is going to deal with four major writer personality traits: need for information, need for perceived control, willingness to sacrifice, and definition of success.

NEED FOR INFORMATION

If you came for the graphics, you're in the wrong place.

A great way to decide if you're low, moderate or high on this scale is to consider your behavior at the doctor's office. When he tells you that your gallbladder needs to be removed, do you sign the consent form without a second thought and schedule the surgery, do you ask about possible complications, or do you expect him to give you an entire lecture on the etiology and pathophysiology of cholecystitis, and then go through the steps of the surgical procedure?

I have a writer-friend who doesn't want to know about things like reviews or sales figures, so she doesn't even have an Amazon author account [Note: Amazon gives authors their Bookscan sales numbers, which are inaccurately low, but are generally the numbers used by industry professionals outside of your publisher to judge your book's performance.] And then on the other end of the spectrum, I have a friend who tracks her sales rankings at five different Amazons, B&N, and Book Depo multiple times a day and inputs the data into some kind of statistics software looking for trends. Two completely different ways to cope with the hard data of being a published author.

Writers who are low need for info might:

•  not read ANY reviews, not even trades                     
•  not track sales/rankings                   
•  not read PM/pub blogs,            
•  maintain minimal social media,
•  avoid Goodreads,
•  not ask your agents/editors things they don't want to know, just because some of your author pals have the data--things like real print run, whether the book will be in B&N, etc.

Writers who are moderate might:

• only read trade reviews and a limited number of reader reviews 
• restrain themselves to occasional rankings checks
• limit themselves to reading a handful of publishing blogs
• resist the urge to ask questions of their agent/editor

Writers with a high need for information might:

• obsessively Google their books
• read all the reader reviews on GR, Amazon, blogs and ask their editor about trade reviews
• check rankings multiple times a day and read scads of industry blogs
• ask many questions of their agents/editors

There are no right answers here. It's easy for people to assume that moderation across all spectrums is the healthiest place to be, but we are who we are, and you deserve happiness regardless of where you fall. Often it's easier to accept ourselves as-is and work with what we've got than to try to become someone else in our quest for writerly peace.

Also note the usage of the word "might" and the awesome arrow graphics. I in no way mean to imply that these categories are discrete or that people can't be a mix of traits from all three. The idea is to figure out your average, where you would plot yourself on the continuum.

NEED FOR PERCEIVED CONTROL

Microsoft Paint, FTW.

You probably know if you're a bit of a control freak [guilty!] or not by the time you're old enough to start writing books, but if not here are some characteristics of low, moderate, and high need for perceived control.

Low need for control authors might:

• not go to any conferences unless sent there by publisher
• not feel the need to participate in flap copy creation
• only do interviews and guest blog posts for the bloggers who reach out to them
• accept copy-editor suggestions without question
• trust their publisher without worry throughout the publication process

Moderate need for control authors might:

• want input in their cover and flap copy
• do less intense self-marketing
• go to local or affordable writing conferences
• do everything high need for control authors do, but in a scaled-down manner

High need for control authors might:

• self-publish
• give their agents submission lists of desired editors/publishers
• want to write their own flap copy/design their own covers
• create street teams and complex marketing plans they implement on their own
• reach out to librarians, magazines, newspapers, bloggers, booksellers for promo opportunities
• pay their own way to all the major literary conferences
• micromanage each step of the publication process
• question a lot of content and copy-editor suggestions

Again, falling into any of these categories is fine. This is just about recognizing you might be different than some of your writer friends and knowing yourself so you can make the best choices for YOU. Note that this is perceived control. I'm not getting into debates on God, free will, destiny, etc. I know what I believe, but even with free will, it doesn't mean that anything we do really makes a difference. Maybe sales figures and writing success are predetermined by the stars, or maybe they're determined by completely random public whims outside of our control. We'll never know. But what I do know is that for me it helps to do some things that make me feel like I'm a little bit in control.

WILLINGNESS TO SACRIFICE

Oh hai.

Ah, sacrifice, we do love to glamorize it, don't we? I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to writing I'm all in. I'll write 80 hours a week sometimes, skipping exercise, skipping human interaction, skipping shopping, existing on a diet of Mike & Ikes and RedBull. And then when I'm dealt a writing setback, I'll double-down and work harder and skip even more things. [ETA Mom/Mom-types: this is a bit of writer hyperbole and I promise I'm eating more than Mike & Ikes or I'm at least eating the fruit-flavored ones :D No seriously, don't worry about me--I'm happy, I really am. It's okay to be a workaholic if it makes you happy :)] I'll scream stuff in my head like YOU WILL HAVE TO DRAG ME BLOODY AND BROKEN FROM THE FIELD, PUBLISHING. YOU WILL NEVER WIN BECAUSE I HAVE NO QUIT!! But before you applaud what is probably insanity on my part, step back and recognize that this trait correlates highly with obsessiveness, and there are other ways to be successful.

Low sacrifice authors might:

• almost always put their friends and family first
• have no desire to ever leave their day jobs
• say things like "I want to be a writer, but not if it means jeopardizing the other important things in my life."

Moderate sacrifice authors might:

• skip social outings to work more
• reduce work hours or take a different job in order to write more
• say things like "I am going to keep trying until I get published/sell five books, etc."

High sacrifice authors might:

• work excessive amounts of hours
• ignore their friends and family in favor of work
• quit their day jobs/give up benefits in order to write more
• go without luxuries (or in some cases necessities) to write more
• say things like "Being published/being an author is the most important thing in my life."

And I know I'm beating this point hard, but it's difficult to read those categories and not feel judgy so again--it doesn't matter where you are. Olympic athletes are often high-sacrifice individuals, and that's an honorable thing. Not ignoring your family and finding a healthy work-life balance is also an honorable thing.You don't "deserve" a book deal or a bigger advance if you're a high-sacrifice person. No one "deserves" a book deal--it's just not one of our unalienable human rights.

Technically Eminem, success is not your only option.

DEFINITION OF SUCCESS

This one doesn't get an arrow because I don't think how people feel about success is as linear as the other traits. Here are some possible ways you might measure your writing success:

Intrinsically:

• it's about the journey/process
• just feeling happier when writing
• knowing your work is making other people feel happy

Single Achievement:

• finishing a manuscript
• being signed to an agent
• selling one book to a publisher
• being able to quit your day job
• making the NYT Bestseller List

Quantitative Achievement:

• selling [x] thousand copies of a book
• selling [x] books to publishers
• making [x] thousand dollars a year with your writing
• earning out on your books so you make royalty checks

I'll be the first to tell you, that once you start writing for editors and contracts and advance payments and trade reviewers, etc., it can be painfully easy to forget why you started writing in the first place. Once you achieve what you were using as a measure of success, it's almost automatic to raise the bar. Figure out what success in writing means to you now, today. That way when you start wallowing about what a failure you are because you haven't made the NYT List you can remember that once upon a time you didn't need quite so much to feel successful.

Were you able to figure out where you stand on these four traits? Write down the info or put it in your phone or something because we'll use this data in the upcoming weeks. Note that your position might change as you progress through your publication journey. That's totally normal--just keep track of when and why you change, if you can determine it.

What other writerly traits do you think we should analyze in ourselves when deciding how to balance our writing and our happiness? Add your thoughts in the comments. Have a happy rest of the week! ;)

Introduction: Finding happiness as a writer...

This is not a New Year's Resolution post. I don't make resolutions because I feel like if you want to do something, go do it. Why wait for the beginning of the year? Why turn it into a ceremony? To me, January is the worst time to shine up some new goals because the classes are all filled up, the gym is too crowded, etc.

But like many authors, I've struggled in the past with being happy. Compared to other occupations, writers are at a higher risk for problems such as alcoholism and suicidal ideation. Some of that is probably due to the sensitive people drawn to the field and/or the fact that a lot of us can't afford good health insurance so we don't get help when we need it. 

But some of that is because writing is its own kind of punishing work. Not punishing like ditch digging or trail building, which I've done. Not punishing like cooking 386 omelets to order in five hours for Easter Brunch, which I've done (and am weirdly proud of). Not even punishing like giving someone chest compressions and then watching them die. Yep, you guessed it--done that too. Writing is punishing in an isolating, self-doubting, creatively sapping, judged harshly by strangers, always uncertain, financially capricious kind of way. 

Then again, writing is the best job I've ever had, and one of the only things that makes me truly happy. When you land your agent or a book deal, when you wake up to a message from a fan who found your story to be heart-healing, man it doesn't get much better than that. 

Check out this picture:

This is coarse ventricular fibrillation, a heart rhythm we medical types like
to call "incompatible with life."

Unfortunately, this graphic is also a pretty good depiction of how my emotional status used to fluctuate on a regular basis. I was going to fill in some points:

• Several editors pass on a submission.
• I struggle to complete revisions on time, doubting the quality of my manuscript. 
• Publisher buys two books for slightly more money than previous deal. 
• Bestselling writer pal opts not to blurb my book.
• Blogger emails me to tell me my book helped her get over a breakup.
• Total stranger reviews my book in a 4000-word diatribe, implying I'm racist, intolerant, and a bitch. 
• Kirkus gives me a starred review. 
• Foreign publisher buys rights. 

But do I need to? You can see where those situations would fall on the chart of highs and lows. Sometimes several moments like this can occur in a single day. And note that all but one of these situations involves my feelings being altered by the actions of others, people over which I have no control. 

This kind of emotional rollercoaster is also probably incompatible with life, at least with any life I want to live. And a lot of people need four or five high points to mitigate the pain from one low point (think about it--the last time you read a scathing review, how many good reviews did you need to read before you felt better?), which means even when we're doing pretty damn good in our writing lives, we're still predisposed to feel unhappy. 

Last year I sold four books...and I still wasn't happy. (And I know how messed up that sounds to most of you, believe me). I was good for a while. They all sold in the same month so I felt like quite the rock star for a few weeks. Sure, some people had much bigger advances and fancy bling that I didn't have, but I had four more chances in 2016 and 2017 to build an audience backed by the support of major publishers.

And yet after the congratulatory tweets and glow of the new books deals faded, I felt vaguely...uneasy. Don't get me wrong, I knew I was in an enviable position. I knew that even though I'd busted my ass writing and promoting to get where I was, there had still been an element of luck involved. I was grateful for everything that happened and recognized the roles that other people--from bloggers to beta readers to editors--had played in my success.

So then, what the hell was my deal? I think, for me, it was that I still didn't feel stable. Even with nine books under contract, I still didn't feel like a career writer, like I had job security, like I could downshift from overdrive into a gear that allowed me a little more time to breathe. And honestly, I still don't feel like that. What the publishing industry giveth, the publishing industry sometimes taketh away at the worst possible moment. [ETA: The same day I posted this, I learned of Egmont USA's closing, which means several of my friends have just had their contracts canceled and their 2015 books--already edited in many cases--won't be distributed.] I live with that knowledge every day, and the only way it doesn't make me crazy is because I channel it to make me work harder and be better.

And I'm proud to say I did recapture my joy last year, and aside from occasional bouts of fleeting anxiety I would now describe myself as happy :) I decided to share part of my process, partially to help other writers who might be struggling, and partially to reinforce things for me. 

My original plan was to organize the posts into twelve steps and post once a week from now until April. But that felt kind of rigid and overly structured. Besides, who am I to tell people not only what to do, but also in what order to do it?

So instead I'm going to run this blog series as a collection of happiness-seeking tips until I get bored or run out of things to say, posting roughly once a week, at intervals that don't hamper my creativity, make me excessively cranky, or prevent me from going outside to chase sunbeams on those rare winter days when they scamper past my window. 

We love sunbeams, yes we do. We love sunbeams, how about you?

There are awesome bloggers who can handle a topic like being happy as a writer in a single blog post, but for me this was a process that took months--I didn't just choose to be happy and turn off my self-destructive feelings like a light switch. There was a lot of introspection, reflection, and admitting to myself that I needed to make changes. My process was about self-awareness and seeking balance and pitting reason against emotion repeatedly until reason won. 

We're all different, so not all of my tips will work for everyone, but if you're struggling right now, I hope you'll come back and check out more of the series. Please feel free to share some of your own tips in the comments. We're all in this together. 

And on that note, if you've arrived at this post and feel you may be suffering from depression or anxiety, or are engaging in self-harming behaviors, please seek the help of a trusted friend, family member, or clergyman. If none of those are options for you, you can also go to the closest emergency room. They will treat you and get you resources even if you don't have medical insurance. I'll try to find some reliable online resources to post at the end of the series, but right now I don't want to post links without vetting them. Just know that you're not alone, and there are people who will help you.

Where in the world is LIARS, INC.???

THE SECOND ARC OF LIARS, INC. HAS BEEN FOUND AND THIS CONTEST IS OVER. CONGRATS TO MY WINNERS RI AND STEPHANIE :-)

It's giveaway time again :) (When is it not giveaway time?) This contest requires that you follow @pstokesbooks on Instagram. If you want to win and you don't have an IG account, you'll have to make one and follow me. But no worries, it's totally fun and means you'll always have something to do while you're stuck in the post office line.

Because one of my kitties is an obsessive licker of books and the other is a destroyer of all things, I safeguarded all my ARCs of LIARS, INC. by hiding them in hard-to reach exotic locales. Your job is to "locate" the book based on the clues I give you on my Instagram feed, clues which are mainly going to be photos. Like this one:

Oh where, oh where can I be?

Only strong-willed, pure of heart, sound of mind, intrepid explorers will be able to locate this well-hidden tome. (Or, you know, if you're a big traveler, good at riddles, and/or Googling you might find it too.)

The logistics:

1. I post clues to the location of the ARC once a day on my Instagram feed.

2. You figure out the location from the clues in order to win.

3. You post your guess in the comments beneath the latest posted IG pic. Be as specific as you can. Just saying the book is in [city, state/country] is not good enough. If I don't respond to your comment, you're not right. Once a new pic is posted, you can no longer guess on the previous pictures.

4. Each intrepid explorer (that’s you) can guess only once per picture clue. You must also follow me on IG and like the picture for your clue to count, because I'm just needy like that ;)

5. This contest is open internationally. If no one guesses the location within 5 days/5 clues, I'll keep the ARC and do a second contest, but you guys are really good at this so I'm betting someone will "find" it quickly.

6. Contests like this can have a little wiggle room where someone's answer is close but not quite there or two people respond almost simultaneously, but one's a little more specific. I'm the sole judge of who wins and I'll do my best to be fair, but my decision is final and not open to appeal.


Questions??? Put them in the comments so I only have to answer them once :) Remember, do not guess the location of LIARS in the comments. You can only guess on Instagram.